Week 8 Predictions

Last Week: 5-8 straight up, 4-9 against the spread

Year to Date: 64-37 straight up, 29-31-3 against the spread

Straight up winners in bold, ATS


Arizona at Green Bay (-3.5) GB
Atlanta at Cincinnati (-4.5) CIN
Baltimore at New Orleans (-2.5) NO
Houston at Tennessee (-3.5) TEN
Jacksonville at Philadelphia (-6.5) PHI
Seattle at Kansas City (-6.5) SEA
San Francisco at Chicago (-16.5) SF
Tampa Bay at N.Y. Giants (-8.5) NYG
St. Louis at San Diego (-9.5) STL
Indianapolis at Denver (-2.5) IND
N.Y. Jets at Cleveland (-1.5) NYJ
Pittsburgh at Oakland (+8.5) PIT
Dallas at Carolina (-5.5) CAR
New England at Minnesota (+2.5) NE

Week 7 Picks

Last Week - 8-5 straight up, 5-8 against the spread (yuck)

Year to Date - 59-29 straight up, 25-23-3 against the spread

Carolina at Cincinnati (-3.5) CIN
Detroit at N.Y. Jets (-3.5) NYJ
Green Bay at Miami (-3.5) GB
Jacksonville at Houston (+9.5) JAX
New England at Buffalo (+5.5) NE
Philadelphia at Tampa Bay (+5) PHI
Pittsburgh at Atlanta (+2.5) PIT
San Diego at Kansas City (+5.5) SD
Denver at Cleveland (+5) CLE
Arizona at Oakland (+2.5) ARI
Minnesota at Seattle (-6.5) SEA
Washington at Indianapolis (-9.5) IND
N.Y. Giants at Dallas (-3.5) DAL

Last week - 12-2 straight up, 9-3-2 against the spread
Year to date 51-24 straight up, 20-15-3 against the spread


straight up winners in bold, $$ winners in green


Buffalo at Detroit (+1) BUF
Carolina at Baltimore (-3) CAR
Cincinnati at Tampa Bay (+6) CIN
Houston at Dallas (-12.5) DAL
N.Y. Giants at Atlanta (-3) ATL
Philadelphia at New Orleans (+3) PHI
Seattle at St. Louis (+3.5) SEA
Tennessee at Washington (-10) WAS
Kansas City at Pittsburgh (-7) PIT
Miami at N.Y. Jets (-2.5) NYJ
San Diego at San Francisco (+10) SD
Oakland at Denver (-15) OAK
Chicago at Arizona (+10.5) CHI

Oh Yeah

Oops I almost forgot............

HOW BOUT THEM COWBOYS!!!!!

Welcome to Philadelphia assholes! What a fantastic game to watch!

A Brilliant (Football) Weekend

So I went 12-2 straight up and 9-3-2 againt the spread. That 9-3-2 is damn impressive if I do say so myself. Lets say you bet $10000 on every game this past weekend, which of course is a total bet of $140,000. If you did this with my picks, you came home with $200,000. Thats a mere 43% net profit in a weekend.

Cha-ching folks

For some perspective, people who are "in the know" who bet football, bet college not the pros cause Vegas cant scout every game in college like they can the pros. This inability to in-depth scout every college football game leaves betting lines that knowledgable people know are easy money. The shear number of college games just doesnt allow for Vegas to scout properly. Conversly, there are never more than 16 NFL games, all of which are dissected minute to minute by Vegas, other teams, scouts, fans, and the media. This way Vegas is much better at putting out lines that people think are easy money, but really arent. Which is why last year was the first year EVER that the bettors beat Vegas in NFL games.

Well thats 2 weeks in a row that I beat Vegas this year, and not just by 1 game. 9-3-2 is fucking impressive. Case in point, sportsline.com (run by CBS) has "experts" that pick against the spread for every game, every week. Here is how they are doing http://www.sportsline.com/nfl/features/writers/expert/picks

As you can see I did better than their best, and on the season I am 20-15-3. This means 39% of my picks are wrong. Sportsline's best on the season is wrong 43% of the time. With 512 total games in the season, that 4% is significant. Again that is their best. Hope I can keep it up year long, especially since I have an error rate of only 29% the last 2 weeks (since I have started picking every game Vegas style).

Cha-ching!

Week 5 predictions

Last Week - Straight Up 10-4 ATS 8-5-1
Year To Date - Straight Up 39-22 Against the Spread 11-12-1

Good week last week against the spread, would have won $$


Straight Up winners in bold, against the spread


Buffalo at Chicago (-11) CHI
Cleveland at Carolina (-8.5) CAR
Detroit at Minnesota (-6.5) MIN
Miami at New England (-10) NE
St. Louis at Green Bay (+3) GB
Tampa Bay at New Orleans (-6.5) NO
Tennessee at Indianapolis (-18.5) IND
Washington at N.Y. Giants (-4) NYG
Kansas City at Arizona (+3.5) ARI
N.Y. Jets at Jacksonville (-7) JAX
Oakland at San Francisco (-3.5) SF
Dallas at Philadelphia (-2.5) PHI
Pittsburgh at San Diego (-3.5) SD
Balitimore at Denver (-4) DEN

Week 4 Predictions (29-17 straight up, 3-7-1 against the spread)

Okay so last week was a complete fucking disaster, 7-7 straight up, 1-4-1 against the spread. P fucking U. Guess what? It was bad for everybody, except Vegas - they were lauging all the way to the bank as Baltimore, Detroit, Miami, New York Giants, and Atlanta were all terrible. These were big picks last week versus the spread and all failed to come close to covering. Brutal.

Bounce back week, here we go...

Straight Up winners in bold. Against the Spread


Arizona at Atlanta (-7.5) ATL
Indianapolis at N.Y. Jets (+9) IND
Miami at Houston (+4) HOU
Minnesota at Buffalo (-1) BUF
New Orleans at Carolina (-7.5) CAR
San Diego at Baltimore (+2) BAL
Dallas at Tennessee (+10) DAL
San Francisco at Kansas City (-7) SF ***Upset Special***
Detroit at St. Louis (-6) STL
Cleveland at Oakland (+3) OAK
Jacksonville at Washington (+2.5) JAX
New England at Cincinnati (-6) CIN
Seattle at Chicago (-3.5) CHI
Green Bay at Philadelphia (-11) PHI

Week 3 Predictions (22-10 so far)

Ok, Ok so 11-5 straight up 2 weeks in a row. Once again, decent but Im looking for better, unfortunately only 14 games this week so I expect at least 10-4, but Im gonna shoot for 11-3 this week, here goes...


Carolina at Tampa Bay
Chicago at Minnesota
Cincinnati at Pittsburgh
Green Bay at Detroit
Jacksonville at Indianapolis
N.Y. Jets at Buffalo
Tennessee at Miami
Washington at Houston (here is my upset pick of the week)
Baltimore at Cleveland
N.Y. Giants at Seattle
Philadelphia at San Francisco
St. Louis at Arizona
Denver at New England
Atlanta at New Orleans


Against the spread, 2-2 last week so no harm, no foul

Wash at Hou +4 This is my upset of the week, I am taking Houston to not only cover but to win the game too

Phi at SF +6 Philly is a great bounce back team under Andy Reid, they have a bad tasted in their mouths from last weeks debacle, with the veterans on this team look for the Eagles to take the 49ers to the woodshed.

Jax at Ind -7 the Jags have looked good in beating Dallas and Pittsburgh, they have a very good defense. Vegas is begging you to take the Jags in this game, you know why they are giving you 7 points? Cause many are gonna bite on that. Not me, I'll take the Colts and give the 7.

Bal at Cle +6.5 I said it in my season predictions, McNair + that defense = playoffs. Ill take the Ravens to roll over the Browns and gladly give the points.

Den at NE -6.5 Denver has had the Pats number of late, but they look very mediocre this year. Statement game for New England. Take the Pats at home, give the points

Atl at NO +3.5 Ah the feel good story of the week, the Saint return to the Superdome for the first time since Katrina hit, sellout crowd, big halftime show, Monday Night Football, Reggie Bush's home debut, both teams hate each other, both are surprisingly 2-0, yadda yadda yadda. Atlanta is the superior team hands down. Give me the Falcons give the 3 and a half.


Game I wont touch with a 10 foot pole - Ten at Mia -11.0, we knew Tennesse would be terrible, but wow Miami has looked bad this year. Im sure the Dolphins will win, but their QB Daunte Culpepper has been a turnover machine which might keep the Titans close. ICK - You can call this game the Toilet Bowl.

Week 2 Predictions

So 11-5, week one - decent but I can do better, on that note....


Buffalo at Miami
Carolina at Minnesota
Cleveland at Cincinnati
Detroit at Chicago
Houston at Indianapolis
New Orleans at Green Bay
N.Y. Giants at Philadelphia
Oakland at Baltimore
Tampa Bay at Atlanta
Arizona at Seattle
St. Louis at San Francisco
Kansas City at Denver
New England at N.Y. Jets
Tennessee at San Diego
Washington at Dallas
Pittsburgh at Jacksonville

And I have some lines so here are my selections for against the spread.

Oakland at Baltimore (-11.5) - thats a big number to be giving, but I'll give the points, Baltimore will win by 12 or more.

Detroit at Chicago (-8) - I will take Chicago to win, but Detroit to cover the spread

Carolina at Minnesota (+2) Bounce back week for the Panthers, I pick them to win outright, and cover the 2 points.

New England at New York (+6) Tempting to take New York to cover when getting 6 at home, but I bet Tom Brady has a feast of a game this week. New England wins by more than 6.

Week 1 NFL Predictions

Straight up, I dont have the lines so I cant do against the spread so just picking the winners (in bold)...

Miami at Pittsburgh
Atlanta at Carolina
Baltimore at Tampa Bay
Buffalo at New England
Cincinnati at Kansas City
Denver at St. Louis
New Orleans at Cleveland
NY Jets at Tennessee
Phildadelphia at Houston
Seattle at Detroit
Chicago at Green Bay
Dallas at Jacksonville
San Francisco at Arizona
Indianapolis at NY Giants
Minnesota at Washington
San Diego at Oakland

NFL Season Predictions

Ah its my favorite time of year, football time. No bullshit lets get right to the season predictions. Order of finish, record prediction, small blurb on NFC East teams. Playoff teams in bold

NFC EAST

Philadelphia Eagles 11-5...Defense must play to ability, injury bug must stay away, must go 8-2 (thinking 9-1 is likely) or better in the first 10 games to make playoffs, last 6 games are murderer's row. This is an easy schedule the first half of the season, Eagles must take advantage because the last 6 games are against teams that will contend playoff spots. By the way, I really really love the acquisition of Donte Stallworth, he reminds me of Mike Quick (for those "older" Eagle fans)

Dallas Cowboys 10-6...TO will help the Cowboys, unfortunately for them their O-line sucks ass. TO cant get the ball if the QB doesn't have time to throw. They will beat who they are supposed to beat on the road (Titans & Cardinals) and only lose to the Colts at home. The soap opera Dallas is back in production, TO is playing J.R., the question is....Who will shoot him?

New York Giants 9-7...due to Katrina they got 9 home games last year and went to the playoffs. Their reward? The toughest schedule in the NFL. I really think the Giants are a good team, too bad they get 3 "cupcake" games. You may not see it, but for me to put them at 9-7 with THAT brutal schedule shows a lot of respect.

Washington Redskins 6-10...their star runningback is injured, their quarterback (who is older than dirt) hasn't finished a full season in a decade. Very good defense, a good offensive line, great coaching staff...all of this will be for naught. Last year, they had several flukey victories, the skins will take a step back this year (in the cellar where they belong).


NFC NORTH

Chicago Bears 11-5...Will feast on the worst division in football
Minnesota Vikings 6-10... This team will improve late in the season - look out next year
Detroit Lions 4-12... Neither Jon Kitna nor Josh McCown is NOT the answer at QB
Green Bay 3-13... Sorry Brett, you should have retired. Green Bay is in rebuild mode.

NFC SOUTH

Carolina Panthers 12-4... Best team in NFC if their runnigback stays healty (a big if)
Atlanta Falcons 9-7... They are good one year, bad the next, trend says winner this year
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 8-8... Age catching up to star defenders Barber, Brooks, & Quarles.
New Orleans Saints 5-11... Reggie Bush is nice. Sean Payton is their head coach, wait wasnt he run out of New York 3 years ago as offensive coordinator and then while on Dallas last year, wasnt he stripped of playcalling duties from Bill Parcells? Now he is a head coach? I just dont get the math here, neither will the Saints.

NFC WEST

Seattle Seahawks 10-6... First Super Bowl loser to go the playoffs the next year in a decade
Arizona Cardinals 8-8... Signing Edgerrin James was big, but this is the worst offensive line in football. Think the good and bad balances out in Arizona this year (8-8 is a good season for them anyway)
St. Louis Rams 6-10... Different year, same problem - TERRIBLE defense.
San Francisco 49ers 2-14... The long rebuilding project continues, strides wont be made till next year at the earliest.


AFC EAST

New England Patriots 11-5... I'll stop picking them when they start losing, not gonna happen though.
Miami Dolphins 8-8... Trendy sleeper Super Bowl pick by many insiders - Daunte Culpepper has always been a turnover machine in big games. Thats going to change now, 7 years into career? Wrong.
Buffalo Bills 4-12... Have some good players sprinkled into a plethora of bad players.
New York Jets 3-13... The wannabe Patriots need a couple seasons before contending

AFC NORTH

Baltimore Ravens 10-6... That defense + adding Steve McNair at QB = playoffs
Cincinnati Bengals 9-7... Very tough schedule, but this team is loaded enough to squeak over .500
Pittsburgh Steelers 7-9... Defending Super Bowl Champs, but Bettis retired, Chris Hope went to Tennessee, Randle-El went to D.C., and Kimo von Oelhoffen went to New York. Roethlisbergers went face first into a windshield in June, then had an emergency appendectomy last week. Now Hines Ward has a bad hamstring. As an Eagle fan I know what happens when one bad thing after another happens in the offseason. It carries over to the regular season and you end up 7-9 or 6-10 - see Philadelphia last year....
Cleveland Browns 4-12... The slow painful building (not rebuilding cause theyve been awful since the "new Browns" came to town)

AFC SOUTH

Indianapolis Colts 13-3... Best team in the NFL right now, hands down.
Jacksonville Jaguars 11-5... They dont blow teams out 49-3, they just win week after week 17-10 with a fantastic defense, and a ball control offense that doesnt make many mistakes (kinda like the Patriots). They are about about 2 players away from being serious Super Bowl contenders.
Houston Texans 4-12... Their new coach will turn this team around....but he needs time
Tennessee Titans 2-14... Poor Jeff Fisher, I think he is one of the best coaches in football, but has been given shitty crumbs to work with the last couple years. Unfortunately he doesnt make the personnel decision on the team, that goes to meddling owner Bud Adams and his management team of football "gurus" [sic].

AFC WEST

Denver Broncos 12-4... Loved their signing of Javon Walker
Kansas City Cheifs 8-8... Will run the ball ALOT, but still have a crappy defense
San Diego Chargers 7-9... Poor Marty Schoettenheimer, he has been told "make the playoffs this year or you are fired" the team subsequently traded his starting QB to New Orleans - ugh
Oakland Raiders 6-10... Will score points in droves, but their defense couldnt stop a high school team.


The Playoffs....

Round 1

Philadelphia over New York
Seattle over Dallas
Baltimore over Jacksonville
New England over Cincinnati

Divisional round

Philadelphia over Chicago
Carolina over Seattle
Denver over New England
Indianapolis over Baltimore

Conference Championships

NFC

Philadelphia over Carolina - Yeah I said it

AFC

Denver over Indianapolis

Super Bowl 41

Philadelphia Eagles over Denver Broncos - Yeah I said that too, you just watch!!!!!

Crikey!!!!

thats all...

Designer Imposters

If you like Open Grave, you'll kill to get......

CADAVER!

Available at CVS, Phar-Mor, or your local convenience store...

I had a very appropriate picture, but blogger is being a pain in the ass and wont let me upload - bastards!


Oh yeah, speaking of cadavers....I guess up and coming fashion model Heather Bratton was killed in a fiery car crash last week. Fashion industry gurus were hailing Bratton as the new Kate Moss, with their many similarities.

And for the "Insensitive yet Hilarious Comment of the Day".....


Several helpless bystanders witnessed Bratton being burned alive as she was trapped in the Crown Victoria she was riding in. One person quipped "Wow, I bet thats the most emotion she has shown in 19 years"

Parfum de Cours

The following is a morbidly amusing new cologne/perfume commercial conjured up by three beer-buzzed people who clamor to the pinnalce of inappropriateness. Anyway it goes a little something like this....

When you need a scent so powerful, Open Graaaave (loudly whispered).

When you absolutely must be noticed, Open Graaaave (loudly whispered)

When you want people to look, but not touch, you can always turn to, Open Graaaaaaaaave (loudly whispered)

Open Grave, the new scent from Calvin Klein is available only for a limited time at fine stores near you.

Open Graaaaaaaaaaaaave (loudly whispered)

(Enter beautiful model with thick Russian accent) "Are you in? Or are you out?"

Open Graaave


**Credit to Bob and Trouble for assisting in the genesis of this exquisitely morbid idea.

Solutions

1 - Welcome to the Jungle - Guns N Roses
2 - Running With The Devil - Van Halen
3 - Unchained Melody - Righteous Brothers (in hindsight, I realize this was a pretty mediocre clue on my part)
4 - Gods of War - Def Leppard
5 - Sweet Child O Mine - Guns N Roses
6 - I Still Havent Found What Im Looking For - U2
7 - Heart Shaped Box - Nirvana
8 - Ice, Ice, Baby - Vanilla Ice
9 - Shattered Dreams - Johnny Hates Jazz
10 - If I Could Turn Back Time - Cher
11 - Sex Type Thing - Stone Temple Pilots
12 - I Touch Myself - The Divinyls
13 - Another One Bites the Dust - Queen
14 - Freebird - Lynyrd Skynyrd
15 - The Beautiful People - Marilyn Manson
16 - Losing My Religion - R.E.M.
17 - What's My Name - Snoop Dogg (I realized this could apply to several song titles)
18 - You Gotta Fight (For Your Right to Party) - Beastie Boys
19 - Bulls On Parade - Rage Against the Machine
20 - Dont Come Around Here No More - Tom Petty

14 -

My music trivia - Enjoy

1 - Thank you for joining us in the rainforest
2 - Excessively snotty nose joins Satan
3 - Released higher part of a song
4 - Thor, Buddha, Apollo, Zeus, and Allah of declared conflict
5 - Sugary son or daughter that I possess
6 - I continuously am unable to dicover that which I seek
7 - Blood pumping organ shaped cube
8 - Slang term for methamphetamines repeated newborn child
9 - smashed into a thousand pieces sleeping visions that you sometimes remember and usually wish could come true
10 - If only when I spin the clock counter-clockwise something would happen
11 - Carnal knowledge sort of indeterminable entity
12 - I put my finger on my nose. Now I put my finger on my shoulder. Now I put my finger on my knee. Now I put my finger on my chin.
13 - Once again someone chews on the formerly airborn dirt that has now settled on everything
14 - 100% off sale of aves (but you only get 1)
15 - The very attractive group of homo sapiens
16 - Not winning personally possessed Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, or Hinduism
17 - Am I Ted or Martha, or Andrew, or Katie, or John? Please tell me...
18 - Sometimes you have to come to blows to protect your freedom to have a great time with others
19 - Male cows lined up and then proceeding down Main St, then left on Elm, right on 3rd and so on while everyone watches.
20 - You better not come traveling to where I am ever again


Good Luck!!!!

Great Fucking Sammich...

Every once in awhile I get a wild hair across my ass and decide too cook. Yesterday I received a request to make my delectible Baja Chipotle Chicken Sandwich. For those who havent had it, NO I'm going to come cook for you!! Instead I will share my recipe with you so you may enjoy it on your own....

Ingredients
Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breasts
Lawry's Baja Chipotle Marinade(find this near the BBQ sauce at you local grocer) (this is a sauce similar to BBQ in texture and color, but infused with roasted chipotle jalapeno and lime juice)
Pepperjack Cheese
Leaf lettuce (not Iceberg lettuce, use Leaf Lettuce, Iceberg is shit)
Dill Pickle slices
Bacon cooked (or not if bacon is not in your diet)
Ranch dressing (or mayo for those that can choke it down)
Tomato if you like tomato, but it is unnecessary and will make your sammich too tall to eat
Kaiser Rolls (not some shitty $1 bag of generic hamburger buns, shell out the extra 2 dollars and get some good kaiser rolls ya cheap bastard)

Steps
Pretty basic, marinate the chicken in 1 cup or so of the Baja Chipotle marinade. For an added kick, mix some cayenne pepper and about 2 teaspoons of hot wing sauce to the marinade. Marinade for rougly 45 minutes to an hour. (to really get the flavor in the chicken, use a toothpick and poke about 8 holes in each breast before adding the marinade sauce)

After marinating the chicken, fire up your BBQ grill and cook the chicken. Baste the chicken while it is grilling a couple times (use what is in the bottle to baste, DO NOT USE LEFTOVER SAUCE THE RAW CHICKEN WAS SITTING IN) Add a couple slices of the pepperjack cheese to the chicken right before its done. Butter and grill the kaiser rolls.

Stack grilled chicken and cheese, bacon, lettuce, pickle slices, and a little ranch dressing on the lightly grilled kaiser rolls.

The combination of textures, spice heat from the sauce and the cheese, and cooling effect of the lettuce/pickles/ranch (mayo) give off an explosion of taste sensations in your mouth. Now you are ready..... As Akinyele would sing...."Just put it in your mouth"....

Enjoy

2008?????????

Okay so I found something else amusing. Look bitch, you are a senator... buy some fucking clothes. Of course this outfit is playfully known as "Ol' Crusty"

Eminaint

I was having sort of a shitty day until low and behold I saw a couple of white douchebags very similar to these pussies over there on the left. A good hearty laugh was had by me. Then I wondered "Where the hell do loser bastards like these come from?" After a bit of research, I have the answer. Clearly Exibit B on the right is the inspiration for the assholes over in Exibit A.


Conclusion: Sometimes society is better off when parents eat their young.

Oooooooooon State Street

Well the "Where Lisa?" section never really got off the ground since she surprised us all with an all too brief, but fun nonetheless visit. I actually had some amusing ideas for the Where's Lisa Watch, oh well. We have pushed her back into the blogger world http://www.simplisticallycomplicated.blogspot.com check it out....

The picture shows the city where our beloved Lisa resides - for the geographically challanged, this is Chicago (pronounced shi - CAW - go) (pronounced locally shi - KAE - gow) There is a noticable difference in the correct pronunciation and the local pronunciation of Chicago. The further north in Chicago you go, the more pronounced the Wiscansinite accent bleeds into what should otherwise be clean, accent-free, Mid-Western speech.